Today,i dont know why i felt quite sad.Please dont ask why i hate it when you're upset and people keep asking you "..what's wrong??" i will feel like asking you to keep quiet. IM SORRY . anyways i will start with what happened since today morning..

MORNING:sis woke me up had to prepare for "high-flier" a programme where you have to climb high high things and damn i am scared of heights not a small fear a big one at that.I have no idea why i sign up maybe cause alot of my friends going i dont know (: so i wnet down to sis's childcare centre saw some of them there hmm early aren't they.so talked a bit but mostly i slept cause i tired.then took a bus to AGAPE had some games and talking blah blah then later went to do the high flier.went 3rd shawn got stuck at the 3rd section.i got stuck at the first i couldn't move my feet it was trembling -.- i dint dare let go of my hands ): so i went only like 3 squares before it started raining then we had to back in.in the end we played more games got one i like.

then later i got to talk alot with my other friends finally catching up with the lost times.so i went on to my other activities.boring after that.got quite alot of shocks cause i scared of horror and my group trainer kept telling and doing sudden actions which shocked me so i kept screaming.sorry Zi Xuan i mean the sorry's for your ear.so screamed alot the people inside can hear im not surprise cause i screamed pretty loud. ): then later went back with friends waited for aloysius to tie his undone shoelace.went home too scared to move about.stayed in the room and stone.finally sis came back went to bath.ate my dinner.suddenly while i was watching tv dad and second sis argued real loud O: i dint know what happen just know that dad was over the limit and so was sis.then i ask mum she started nagging.like it was my fault?? so later 1st sis come back suddenly keep asking me why i did this in high flier why i did that here and there quite irritating i was trying to watch my dam show ? so mum started nagging again i think today whole family is volcano erupting.

NEXT: about my heading.seriously,i think this sentence "do what you want others to do on you." really is true.im sorry if i sound disrespectful but i dont see a need to give my jiao lians due respect since they dont give it to me.i have seriously pass the limit so for fucking cow's sake stop the dam thing about me and Zhang wei alright? i dont understand what so fun about.you guys are just some asses who dont consider people's feeling and i dont see a reason why we should be respectful to you if you aren't to us. already state animals have feelings so do i so if you're gonna just hurt my feelings, i just have one thing to say sorry if its valgur "_|_ fuck you bloody bustards." i have no idea how else i can say something to them anymore.i just dont think that forcing me to do something i dont like is right.everyone has their rights i know they have it to but please respect others.they FUCKING hell force me to partner Zhang wei when i dont like and i dont want.if this gonna continue i might as well just quit. so long suckers (:

MOVING ON:im just so physically tired and mentally too.why am i filled with so much emptiness,hatred and a sad and unhappy heart.sometimes even crying silently to myself is 1 000 000 times better then telling someone about it.my world seems to revolve around things i hate.i just cant seem to forgive and forget.have i not been absorbing my father's words? the emptiness is a feeling where i cant comprehen.why do i feel like no one's there when i relaly need it and how come its just never ending.its a hollow black hole that sucks everything except you.i dont know what to do with this and i might not be able to handle these feelings alone.but turning to someone wont make me comfortable so how? Dear Lord,help me seriously. A sad and unhappy heart-how do i change ? how do i feel real joy.how come my fellow friends can seem to have joy in their hearts while i wear a mask with a second world following behind it.is this life? how do i find it.it doesn't come easy i never said it was but i cant even feel happy around my own family members.what's more the outside.getting scolding - is it a form if love they say. How so i dont feel it.why cant i? i dont feel any love for something and its most irritating when someone makes fun of you being a couple with someone else.cant they just get a life?i think i'll just stop here.i wanna sleep.Good nights (:
ANOTHER MEMORY LEFT BEHIND..
Joanna